How to stop trying to “fit in”

You are not who you think you are. You are not who others think you are. You are what you think other people think you are. This “looking glass” theory perfectly demonstrates two of our most startling existential tragedies, which if being understood, can help us let go of the desire to “fit in”.

First is that we perceive who we are in the eye of others. From kindergarten to graduating from college, to climbing the career ladders, we are consistently being reminded by our teachers, parents, friends, or even strangers that we are being watched. Like your success or how much love you are going to get is being calculated and measured by how much you live up to certain expectations of others.

So we are forced to believe that conformality is the only way in and out, living our life like sheep or hamsters in the hamper wheel, with a skewed reality shaped by social conditions, cultures, speeches and our languages. So eventually we become one of these teachers, parents, and friends telling our children the same thing.

Second is the fake sensation of “I” being this isolated and separated being alone in this world. “I” am what I am feeling, “I” am what I am thinking, “I” am what I am seeing and hearing. But as long as we are under this hallucination, we will always believe that we are somewhat different from others or we have to win over others to survive, like some sort of characters in the Hunger Game movie.

Our fear of separateness and loneliness, ironically creates more separation, making us think that “I” am simply a wave of life birthed into this isolated individual and eventually vanishes like it never existed.

And we won’t even consider the possibility that we are not only a drop in the ocean, we are the ocean in a drop too. And even if it evaporates, it just turns into a different form, eventually returning back to the great ocean. So at this level of existence, “I” am immeasurably infinite, my comings and goings are simply the pulses or vibrations of eternal flow of energy. And we can never be separate from that which we are from.